The Meaning of Life
by crimsontigerlily311
Summary: What is the true Meaning of Life? Watari and Tsuzuki may never know. Random oneshot.


**The Meaning of Life**

April 18th is a very special day in the Ministry of Hades; well at least it is for Yutaka Watari. And for this day, he was planning something very special.

"Hey, Tsuzuki!" Watari exclaimed, walking into the meeting room. "Do you want to come to my birthday party tonight?"

"Yeah!" Tsuzuki replied. "What should I bring?"

"Uh…" Watari thought briefly, "Yourself and the Meaning of Life."

"Where, oh, where could I find those things?" Tsuzuki asked jokingly.

"Maybe under a rock?" Watari laughed.

"I'm going to go and check!"

"But," Watari began ominously, "It must be a very special rock!"

Tsuzuki then reached out and took Watari's glasses. "Then, this calls for special agent Tsuzuki!" He laughed, putting the glasses on.

"Tsuzuki!!! Give me back my glasses!" Watari exclaimed angrily.

"But they make me look smart…" Tsuzuki whined.

"But I can't see." Watari said, bumping into a table. "Ow! Who put that bar there?" (A/n: I can't remember where that's from…)

"Oh, I'm sorry, Watari." Tsuzuki said, handing back the glasses.

"That's okay," Watari said, cleaning them. "You should just be glad that they weren't Tatsumi's glasses."

"Yeah, he would have skinned me alive…" Tsuzuki shuddered.

"Oh, no! Speak of the devil (literally), here he comes!! RUN!!!

Tatsumi strolled in. His eyes appeared to be flaming dollar (yen) signs. Both Tsuzuki and Watari had run off in the opposite direction. Watari hid in a hall closet while Tsuzuki continued running. Once he was outside, Tsuzuki found a rock and hid under it.

"Hey!!" Tsuzuki exclaimed, holding up a shimmering crystal ball. "I found it!! I found the Meaning of Life!!"

Tatsumi, who had ignored Watari hiding in the closet and followed Tsuzuki, snatched the crystal ball from Tsuzuki's upraised hand. Tsuzuki began to cry.

"Now we'll never know the Meaning of Life!!" Tsuzuki sobbed uncontrollably.

Tatsumi smirked, pushing up his glasses. "If you two possess the Meaning of Life, it is very unlikely that I will benefit from it. I could sell this for a rather large price." Tatsumi's smirk widened into a grin.

"But, Tatsumi," Tsuzuki had turned chibi, "We are not a part of life anymore. So, I think we have the right to know what we didn't know back when we were still alive." He sniffed indignantly.

Watari came running up behind Tatsumi, finally having gained the courage to come out of his hiding place. "Yes," he panted, "I could create many new experiments if I knew what it was. Would you like to be my guinea pig, Tatsumi?"

"Yeah, Tatsumi." Tsuzuki said, hiding behind Watari for protection.

Tatsumi sighed. "No, I don't want to be your guinea pig. But, I think you should ask Konoe. He's in the bathroom right now…"

"I don't know…" Watari whispered, "He hasn't come out of there for the past three days."

"What did he eat?" Tsuzuki asked.

Watari grinned. "I think it was some of your cooking, Tsuzuki. I think that maybe it was your muffins."

"But the chief says he likes my cooking." The tears welled up in Tsuzuki's eyes again.

"That doesn't mean he won't suffer the side effects!" Watari laughed.

"Then should we help him?"

"How? There's no way in hell that I'm going in there."

"Then…I don't know."

Watari gasped suddenly. "What if he's dead?!"

"Holy crap! That means Tatsumi would be the boss!! Oh no!!" Tsuzuki wailed, the tears spilling over.

Watari was screaming, "No, Konoe! Don't be dead!!"

They then heard the sound of Konoe's voice coming from a second floor window. "It burns!!!"

"Well….at least he's not dead…" Watari trailed off, "But that's still kind of gross."

"Ew!" Tsuzuki said as he heard a thump to his left. Both he and Watari turned toward the sound to see that Tatsumi had fainted.

"Wow," Watari said, pointing at Tatsumi. "Somehow, that's even more shocking."

Tsuzuki giggled, poking Tatsumi in the ribs. "Quick, Watari, get the Meaning of Life from him!!"

Watari cackled evilly as he pried the crystal orb from Tatsumi's fingers and ran off. "Muahahahahahaha! It's mine!!!"

"Watari, wait!" Tsuzuki called after him, "I want to see it too!!"

"I just don't want to be there when Tatsumi wakes up." Watari shouted, not stopping. "Come on, hurry up!!"

"Okay!" Tsuzuki took off just as Tatsumi's eyes were opening.

"…Uh oh." Watari muttered.

"Run faster, Watari!" Tsuzuki exclaimed, speeding past him.

"I can't! I'll drop the Meaning of Life! It's kind of slippery."

"Okay, then I'll distract Tatsumi!"

"That's a good ide—" Watari was cut off as he tripped when one of Tatsumi's shadows wrapped around his ankle and started pulling him back. "AGH! Here, Tsuzuki! Take it! Run!"

"Got it!" He exclaimed as he caught it and kept running.

"At least tell me—" Watari began but was cut off when another scream from Konoe was heard. Tatsumi looked as if he wanted to faint again but he kept himself focused, reaching down and grasped 003, who had been fluttering nervously around Watari's head.

"Give me back the Meaning of Life!" Tatsumi shouted, "Give it back, or you'll never see 003 ever again!"

Watari began sobbing. "B-but, Tatsumi, I don't have it anymore! Give me back 003!!"

"Well, you had better get it back! Or it's bye-bye, birdie!"

"NO!" Watari screamed, pulling out a squirt gun which was filled with his 'famous sex-change potion'. "GIVE HIM BACK!!"

"No!"

"I said give him back!!!" Watari yelled, squirting Tatsumi with the mysterious liquid, "FLY, 003!!!"

The small owl flew out of Tatsumi's grasp as he slowly began to transform into a creature that was much smaller than his usual self. Watari's mouth widened into a grin as Tatsumi's transformation was finished. Watari was satisfied with the potion, even though it was a complete failure. No, it had not turned Tatsumi into a girl but, instead….a beetle.

"003, eat him!" Watari cackled.

"No, please don't eat me!" Beetle-Tatsumi squealed in a high pitched voice, scurrying around in circles on the ground.

Watari chuckled deeply, his grin morphing into a condescending, mischievous smirk.

"What would you be willing to trade for that, Tatsumi?"

"I'll do whatever you ask!!"

"Heh. Give me an example."

"I'll give you a raise!! A big one!!"

"Ha ha, alright. You will give both me and Tsuzuki a raise and you will also fund all of my experiments from now on. You will also be my guinea pig, should the situation arise."

"Deal!"

"Okay, 003 won't eat you."

No sooner had the bargain been made when Watari and Tatsumi spotted Tsuzuki slowly shuffling his way back towards them. As he eventually came closer, Watari noticed that he was crying.

"I'm so sorry, Watari! You're probably going to kill me for what happened…."

"What did you do?" Watari asked pleasantly, still happy from the bargain he made with Tatsumi.

"I…I dropped it….the Meaning of Life….I dropped it in the sewer!" Tsuzuki turned into a bawling mess.

Watari was silent for a few moments. "Well…I guess that there's no reason for Tatsumi to live." He then stepped on Beetle-Tatsumi, who had been lingering near his foot. Little did they know: the true Meaning of Life was indeed to kill Tatsumi.

**The End**

**A/N: This is what happens when I run over a nail with my car and spend an hour and a half getting the tire changed in a place that smells like burnt rubber and gasoline. The fact that I bought a Mountain Dew didn't help much either. This was a text message scenario I had with my friend because I was so bored. It would be a lot funnier if I could still use the texting images but, you can imagine for yourselves what their expressions would be like. Or you can read the mangas and pick out what situations from there would be appropriate. Also, there is much, much more to the joke with Konoe than I mentioned. It's just too complicated for me to translate the whole description into there. **

**Till Next Time,**

**Crimson **


End file.
